Sunday, December 27, 2009

This is something I've thought alot about over the last few days. What do I say? Why has this happened? Why is it the brightest stars in my life are snatched from me? Why do I love so deeply? Why does it kill my soul? When will it feel better? When these things happen I feel like I revert back to about a 6 year old mentality. I get very angry and I cry alot.
Cancer has stripped me of loved ones over and over. A 14 year old family member stolen by Leukemia. A few years later my dear uncle who was like a father to me taken by prostate cancer when my daughter was just a few weeks old. Last year before I flew out to Rhinebeck, I attended the funeral of one of my best friends. Becky introduced me to "good" yarn and taught me to knit. Taken from me way to soon by breast cancer. This year, almost one year later, I lose another great knitter....Dana.
Now I don't know what cancer has taken this interest in the people I love for. But I know I don't like it. I hate it. I hate cancer. I'm afraid of it. I wonder who it has it's sights on next.
I have learned some things through these losses. I have learned to be a better friend. I have learned to be there....all the way to the end, even if it is hard for me to do. I have learned to let the tears fall. Let them fall right on the person. Let them know the depth of your love for them. Let them know how much you will miss them when they are gone. Let them know what an impact they have had on your life. Let them know YOU are a better person for having them in your life for the time you had them. Let them know that you will be there for them until they are no more.
Christmas had a whole different look to me this year. As I watched everyone around me enjoying the festivities. I couldn't help feeling the burning ache in my heart for the loss of my dear friend. It was real life. It wasn't covered in lights and blurred by the holiday. It was a burning hole in my heart.
It was a darkness created by a star in my life that had been snuffed out all to soon.
Let people know you love them. It may be the only chance you have.

7 comments:

IrishGirlieKnits said...

(((( hugs )))) Wishing you peace and love during the holidays Susan. Losing loved ones is so hard.

Teresa said...

Oh no. Susan. I am SO SO very sad to hear this. I only sat and knit with Dana a couple times at your shop and shared a few message exchanges with her via Ravelry but it was clear that she was a beautiful spirit. Please accept my sincere condolences.

jill said...

You are a beautiful person with a kind soul.Dana loved you and loved spending time with you and all of the girls in the group.You still have your wonderful memories of times with Dana.The love for Dana is still there.

samro said...

Great post. I love you.

Anonymous said...

oh honey. I'm so sorry. Big big big hugs. I love you.

Alice x

Marisol said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes cancer is horrible! It is unjust and unfair! Hang in there! I know what its like to lose dear friends and family to this horrible disease:(

Hugs to you...

jmcmjoan said...

Oh, Sweetie! I'm so sorry for your loss. You have a tender heart and that is what I love about you the most. Wouldn't life be so much easier if we didn't feel so deeply? Actually not, as if we didn't feel the loss, we also wouldn't feel the deep love. I wish I could be there right now to give you hugs and love. You deserve them.